OUR MADAME OF CEREMONIES … Razz-berry Beret

If you don’t know Razz, then you clearly weren’t at HMNP2022. Razz ran a tight, funny and rocking ship all night long. She’s the keeper of the coveted tiny trophies and the arbiter of the crowds vocal voting. She’s got all the moves and she’s not afraid to use them. All hail the Qween: Razz-Berry Beret!

Hold on to your assets it’s the Lady Fun Managers

The year is 1987 and Lady Fun Times have been forced to make dramatic cuts to their workforce whilst launching their new venture. Here to warm up your portfolios, are the Lady Fun Managers. These ruthless business women won’t let anything get in the  way of their profit margins.

With more front than Myer it’s PAT, BEN & TARA!

Following their triumphant Castlemaine debut in 2022, Pat, Ben and Tara disappeared into the ether. One danceless night, they were woken from their ethereal reverie by a vision, a dream much like a call to action in an email from Dance Mom.

Wanting the dream to be real, they set off on a quest for that elusive destination — L.O.V.E. It was not captured effortlessly; at first, they did not know it was love. But with ceaseless turmoil, they reached depths measureless to mere mortals, and now they’re flying through the stars, knowing this night will last forever. Are their nights warm and tender? Can they resist the sweet surrender? These are questions asked by audiences from La Ville-Lumière to the fluorescent tubes of Castlemaine Train Station. At first they’ll put their arms around you, then they’ll put their charms around you.

Baby, you won’t need your sweater … ain’t nobody who’ll love you better.

Pull your undies up and prepare to be BEDAZZLED! It’s MADD

Drawing inspo from “The David Hasslehoff Korean Line Dancing Troupe” this outfit is half Lady Fun Times and half Purple Shamrock Bar Flies. Having thrown shapes together for years in jest, they then turned profesh. They took their show on the road, touring extensively including sell out shows at Melton South Shopping Plaza, Frankston RSL and the Yass Town Hall. With cracks starting to show after years on the road they invite you to savour their possibly last and career defining romp. Get pumped as they reveal their glitter box with thrusts for all. Come quickly, it’s time to rip and embellish!

So yell your face right off for MADD with a double D.

Introducing La-Stache, a group of local women growing right under your nose.

These gals like to grow with the flow, unleashing their secret ‘stache of hot moves, love of the absurd and harlequinn-tessential panto antics. They will settle once and for all a question as old as Leanganook. That question?

Do YOU like my moustache?

From the ashes of the HMNP 2022 Smokin Dollies, rises … Cluster Thrusters

Back in Oz for the final leg of their ‘Thrust ‘n’ Shunt’ world tour, the Cluster Thrusters (featuring members of central Victoria’s own Smokin’ Hot Dolly’s and the 90’s only mixed gender supergroup Back Door Girls) ask you all … are you sexual? Brace yourself for the ultimate dance battle experience as this scorching hot mess delivers all killer, no filler iconic moves and super tight formations, shattering stereotypes and stripping back expectations to really spice up your night!

Sliding on in as a late addition are the always smooth …. Maine Rollers

They met in the Maine Rollers circle of skate love at the stadium where they discovered wheel love and the Zen of Skate Dance. Look out for their signature moves  ‘The Down Down’ and the ‘Get Up’.

Making their first Saturn return is … HOTTER THAN URANUS

Blasting into Earth’s biosphere in 2022, Hotter than Uranus made light work of central Victoria’s dance scene with sell-out shows in several living rooms, wiping the floor at Hot Moves 2022, plus, were invited to headline Castlemaine State Festivals opening night (with thanks to Frente for supporting). Back by popular demand, and a need to warm their loins, Hotter than
a Uranus have left their home planet and have taken up permanent residency here in sunny Castlemaine (bloody blow ins).

Hotter Than Uranus will beguile you with moves described by critics as “electric’ and “probably sexy if you’re into that thing”. Their signature move, the Teddy Hump, is inspired by a pubescent Golden Retriever. They have more thrusts than a rocket ship dick-measuring contest and an insatiable appetite for arse slaps.

These celestial beings are all about the bass, ‘bout that bass, no treble.

Making their debut … FISTER SISTERS!

The Fister Sisters first met as a book club over Zoom in the darkest hours of the lockdown years. When they emerged into the bright lights of downtown Castlemaine at their very first meeting IRL, they discovered they had so much more in common than books … bodacious babes with a shared passion for smashing the patriarchy, the odd sneaky cig and a desperation to escape the domestic drudgery of motherhood and reclaim the untameable queens of the night they had once been. They soon formed an unbreakable sisterhood that became the shining light at the end of the tunnel that every mother of a young child needs to drag themselves through another month of hand foot and mouth, Paw Patrol and the goddamn Mental Load.

With each year that passes they finish fewer books but more glasses of wine. They can transition from a heartfelt poetry recital to the merciless dancefloor takeover of a nearby 20-something’s birthday party in the space of a bottle of pét nat.

They will hold your hair back while you spew and give you a 30-second discourse of feminist literary theory before thrusting their fists deep within you and pulling out the screaming, sparkling, wild child you never stopped being.

They are the Fister Sisters: their signature move is self-explanatory.

Break out a body roll – the GODIVAS are in ‘da house!

Making their debut performance at HMNP 2023, the rumour mill is on fire with hype for this 11-piece troupe.

“Are they really going to be dancing nude?”

“Did you hear they have a horse in their group?”

Let’s just say folks, when it comes to these sisters-from-another-mister, it’s all possible. With moves this hot, they’ll make a peeping tom out of anyone. Unified in their love of a perfectly executed kick-ball change, the Godivas willstop at nothing in their quest to have a good time.

Off to a flying start in 2022, it’s the return of THE SUPER QUEEROS

Price check aisle 3, price check aisle 3 … After their debut at HMNP2022, the Super Queeros are back, bringing their Bella fruity moves to a super-market near you. With a couple of new performing members they are superey and queerier than ever.  Last year they showed us that we can all be the hero of our own dreams. This year they pay homage to the late great Harry Belafonte, his smooth voice and social actions of the 1960s. Prepare to go back in time where you will find them bringing their kooky moves and making you cream your pants. But is it the past or is it the present?

Come with open hearts and mouths …

They’re not just hot, they’re rurally hot, it’s … Rural Hot Bitches

A year ago the Rural Hot Bitches blew across the HMNP battle arena rippling waves of controversy across the conservative Castlemainia community with a cheeky hot ass photo! Theses rural hotties have settled deeper into country life and welcomed local bitches into the crotch! Peshun & Lyle Eaaarl’s Feshun is at the heart of everything the Ruralz do, this year’s choree reflecting their inner 80s humping battle bogan.

WTF  — Worth Tha Funk

Tired of solo kitchen krumping, hallway twerking and the bathroom bump n grind, this motley crew of dance-loving locals emerged from the shadows to bust out some tragic hip hop throwback flavas. They’ll sizzle, they’ll shine, and bring you a rump-shaking good time. There’s no doubt, they’ll break the golden rule with their midas touch and crown jewels. Worth Tha Funk, ain’t no gold diggers and bring it with their sassy, smouldering solid-gold moves. They’ll be thrusting up a storm with their funk in the trunk and blistering bling.You’ll be blinded by the light as they bring sexy back – yeah!

We won’t waste your time, we won’t be shy, give it to us – we’re worth it.

The Fab 5 Thunder Thrusting Crew

The Fab 5 Thunder Thrusting Crew hails from the ghettos of lower Castlemaine. With their snap-locking, break-beating moves, The Fab 5 Thunder Thrusting Crew has dominated bedroom dance floors all over the East side. Introducing: Wil Z, E-win, M-MaY, L-tits and Mik-K of the Fab 5 Thunder Thrusting Crew. Get ready to to be raced by these speed demons of dance as they thrust themselves into ultimate dance domination.

It’s FAUNA-CATION! Appearing last year as UMO-GO, this menagerie has expanded and they have uncaged themselves to (pro)create FAUNA-CATION, unleashing their most animalistic tendencies. Watch out for their bestial best signature moves, including The Nut Juggle, The South Sea Spread, The Waffle House and The Exploding Egg.

THE NUDIBRANCH CREW formed in 2022 for the first HMNP dance battle after they felt the strong pull of the ocean and performed to Enya. This year they’re ready to dance their hearts out again.